mcdanielz blogz

2008-07-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

its a really wierd feeling when you move to a new place, and make friends, and be really happy, and generally, end up being way happier than you could have ever seen yourself being at the old place, its even wierder to think of how things go on, even though you are gone in the old place, people change, you change, nothing really stays the same, sure, stuff stays the same, same crap you all have to do, go to school, stress about school, all of that, but its so wierd how you personally, and how everybody changes, and you may or may not realize it, looking back at how eveybody has changed from midland, its really wierd, people that were never friends, are friends now, and people that were friends arent, its so wierd, i think that most of my old friends from midland felt the same way i did on the inside, i always wanted to do more stuff in school, and i did that stuff when i moved to phhs, i joined scholastic bowl, wyse, and the play and stuff, and i look back, i always wanted to, but its not something i would have done there, i dont know why, none of my friends or people in my "group" did, but now they do, or at least im pretty sure they do..... its also wierd to go from kind of being more of a leader in a group to not being one, i was more apt to lead at midland, i would rather just follow here, and so far, its been a much better experience, its strange, how all the time i was at midland, i would have NEVER LEFT, never ever, but now that i moved, even though i did not really want to, i feel like my life is so much better, i have indescribably awesome friends, and all of that kind of stuff. its just so strange, how i never wanted to leave, and now that i did, im so happy with where i am....
i feel so lucky.........

also, ive started watching more anime and reading more manga, i am trying to learn japanese again!!!!!

W-O-W

2008-06-18T21:12:00.000-07:00

wow, such stuff to say, ive been really thinking for about a month, and realizing a bunch of stuff, in general, and about myself, and other stuff, yea, i think ive generally split in two, mcdanielz and kyle, kyle is the person/personallity i have at work generally, also its the "me" thats really quiet, and overly cautious, and is always like why? why should i do that?, and it is kind of half of "me" when i am by myself, and its the me that i generally used to be, ive changed, now im more of mcdanielz, i really really like it when im in more of a mcdanielz mood, i have more to say, even if its retarded and makes no sense at all, ill say it, i usually end up going with the flow more than asking WHY????, idk, its wierd and hard to explain, idk.... i like it better when im mcdanielz tho, it feels better, and i dont worry about a thing, and i actually speak to people, and im not just quiet with a million of things going on in my head, but thinking that they are all retarded, like my kyle mood would, idk, its hard as hell to explain, and thats not a real good job of explaining it....

ive also learned that i love yoyoing and harmonica and stuff so much because it lets me pretty much space out of whatever i am doing, no matter what, no matter what im thinking, or feeling, and i like to do it when im nervous ish about something, if im pissed off, and if im really really uncomfortable, or if i have nothing to say.... i really like yoyoing and harmoica and guitar for all that, it takes me away, and lets me think selectively

also i wouldnt really describe my self as being random, or anything, because whatever i said, i related by some freaking wierd ass logic, like ill be thinking about something beforehand, talking to someone, and ill see something that relates to what i was thinking about, so ill point it out....

also, work, or at least my work is bullcrap, you brag and bullshit to get the job, you bullshit to do the work, you can do it fast, and (itallics)possibly(/itallics) get more to do, or more likely you will be standing there, and get bitched at to do more work, even though if you wanted something to do, and asked, they would say do some menial bullshit that takes 1 minute..... so i think people bullshit and do their work at a pace that will kill all their time, but bullshit to make themselves look busier than they are at a task they could finish in a snap..... idk, yea.....

2008-05-17T18:46:00.000-07:00

yeah, school gets out in one day, and im excited, and its gonna rock, i cant wait.. i can do whatever whenever and everything.... hopefully hang out with a lot of friends this summer, and keep unbored.... ive started playing guitar more now, i used to play very rarely, for unknown reasons, but now im forcing myself to play whenever there is nothing better to do.... im gonna buy an acoustic as soon as i can..... i just love the feeling when im playing, its like idk, almost indescribable, even if i do suck at playing.... idk what im gonna do in the summer, hopefully i can keep busy at work and stuff.... i know its just gonna fly by, like every summer... next year is going to be busy, really busy, and im looking forward to taking a break before all of that. thats about it for now i guess...

kinda semi biography thing/ me listening to the wall remembering my life thus far

2008-05-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

well, i was born in florida, and i guess my birth father was a drunk, and a complete jerk, so we moved to illinois. at first my mom moved in with my grandpa (my grandma and grandpa on my moms side had split up) and my step grandma, until my mom moved into the apartments in eureka, this is where my mom and my dad (mike) met, then we moved to his house, and everything was happy go lucky for a while, until my mom lost a bunch of weight, and met up with one of her old friends in florida, she basically started seeing him, and treating my dad badly, until my mom and the guy (duncan) started fighting, he called for a while and threatened to kill me, and everyone in my family, this was when i was about 8, and it was basically one of the first bad things i was exposed to, well i remember all of the shit storm that ensued that, then he came up one day when i was playin hooky (luckily) unexpectedly, i had been told if he ever shows up to call the cops and get one of my fathers guns in case he tried to kill me/us. my dad was at work, as soon as i saw his truck i ran to get the phone and everything, the hatred i had for this man for all of the trouble and drama he caused to me and my mom and my dad will never be forgotten. i will look back on this moment in a long time, and i will reflect on it more when you see its significance

so then he left after i told him im calling the cops, and everything was just hunky dory for a year or two until my mom started going out to the bar and stuff, and met david, this tore my dad apart even more, he already went through this shit, and he would do anything to not have it happen to it again, so a shit storm of problems and fighting ensued, and i just kinda was there.... my mom never really left david, he was always there from there on out in the background, he is really a great person now, but back then i would have done anything to get rid of him.......
about the time this was all happening, i met my best friend shannon, and one of my old best friends/idk tasha, tasha was kind of my first girlfriend, but not really cuz we were only friends, we would just talk for hours and hours, then she started dating another one of my good friends at the time, and it botherd me so much, idk...... we talked more than they did, but it bothered me, here was a person that i would have done anything for, and one of my good friends that KNEW i liked her just started going out with her and acted like it was nothing...... idk, maybe not a true friend then, idk..... yeah anyways they ended up breaking up, and somewhere along the line she moved away, and eventually stopped talking to me and calling me,

that good friend was one of the ones that started me/started skating and bmxing and stuff with, and i was actually not too fat for a while, but then we moved a little bit away, and i realy started working with computers.....

then my mom pushed david into the background, and then my mom and dad were together again, and everything was "happy" and we had my little sister.... we then moved into another house in lacon, and were happy for a few years, until my mom brought the fucker duncan back into the picture, and oh, how i was to be convinced he was a "changed" man, this man that i had such a hatred for for starting to tear my mom and dad apart, i dispised him with every living cell in my body, but i didnt have a real choice and then this fucker came up, and eventually MOVED IN moved into this house my dad bought for all of us, and he still lived there...... my father is such a great man, wierd, but great, and he put up with this all to try to raise maira and i right, and see us everyday, anyways, duncan moved in with his little son who was so annoying, i wanted to kill him (not literally.... well maybe ;)) it was bad, it bothered me so much to have this man ian my house that threatened to kill me and my parents, and now he is just living there like its nothing...... idk,

then i met the seccond girl that i would have done anything for, moe hunt..... then again, i trusted her, and talked to her, and everything, then being "funny" and joking my best friend asked her out (didnt expect for her to say yes) this didnt really bother me by then, because i just didnt care well actually it bothered me beyone belief, but he actually really liked her probably, so i was ok with it, two of my best friends were happy, so i was "happy" or so i made myself.... even though it tore me up..... they broke up, and i continued trying to date her and such, failing miserably, until the end of 8thgrade year, when i moved to kewanee with this duncan.....

Pby this time mom and dad got devorced , and my dad met a wonderful woman who is perfect for him, they are both the same type of person, its great...}

once again, burning hatred and such.... i stayed in the basement, and just was there i guess, hell idk...... until i got into a fight with his son because he and maira were upstairs, and i herd her start crying, so he did something to hurt her, because she came down and said he hurt her... i went up there and picked him up by his throat and threw him down to the floor, and asked him what he did, and he wouldnt tell me, and he screamed, and my mom heard... i told her either we move out or i move out to my dads house in peoria..... we moved back into the house of lacon, and we lived alone, and it was kind of nice, but depressing for mom.... she met a guy named anthony, who was wonderful, and smart, but a bit of a drunk..... david came back into the picture, and then we ended up moving in at the end of my freshman year....

my freshman year was bad.... i used to be a loud outspoken person, who was "random" and annoying as fuck with hindsight.... so yeah, i got called shit that now isnt bad to me but at the time bothered me, and i got teased and fucked with for a while, and i became more introverted, and more of a quiet person..... like i am now.....

i moved to peoria heights when i moved in with david..... at first i was worried,becuasae i was quiet and such, and i didnt know anyone, and i didnt know if there were people that were asses, or if there were gonna be people that were gonna try to fight me or anything, which i didnt want, im fairly peaceful, quiet, able to make myself happy by this time, i ended up making some kool friends, and basically thats where im at now.... i just coexist, not desperately looking for a girlfriend, i just decided that im gonna be and be me, and what happens will happen, im not gonna try to be a certain way to impress a girl, like i was for tasha and moe, im just gonna be me,
if people dislike it
fuck them
if people like it
kool

music has always been a way for me to excape and think, and not think, and relax, playing it even if i sound crappy or whatever anyone thinks just puts me out of it, i just dont feel or worry or think about anything, same for yoyoing, they are kind of stress relief...... it feels so nice to just be thinking about everything, and just being out of it all at the same time.......

so thats kind of my life without explainint how everyone is in great detail.... my dad is probably one of the smartest, nicest people in the world, he would do ANYTHING for us kids, thats why he stayed with my mom for so long, to try to make it work for US, not him, not her, me and my kid sister, who i would do anything for, ANYTHING

my mom is much much much nicer and kooler than she was portreyed to be, this is just a glance over, now i see that yes, my dad is a bit wierd, and she just couldnt stand it i guess, she was trying to find her happiness, and i respect her deeply for that....

pretty much
cheaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

new blog now created

2008-04-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

yeah, i made a blog.. ill update it whenever im bored, which is a lot.. so today was pretty awesome, all around.... if you should know, you probably do, and if you shouldnt, you probably dont.

im thinking i really need to start with more computer science stuff for wyse, so hopefully i know most/all of the materiel for the tests, and it will probably end up being better for me in the long run for college, and generally for learning more about computers, (even though its mostly theory, and programming, and im more of a hardware person), but either way, its good to know, because i guarentee ill eventually need to know it. but then again on the other hand, i will just say i need to, and then in the end just not do it, just like it always has been..

i start work orientation monday, and by tuesday and wendesday i may even be on the floor as a cashier. basically half my friends are gonna come and mess with me and shit, which is kool i guess, itll probably end up making my day less boring/less stressful, which is actually pretty kool. itll also be kool to have money for whatever i compulsively decide to do/buy/build/etc.

so yeah, pretty much this is my new blog